Open Letter to America, from MSM

[Note: "MSM", one of the blogosphere's favorite acronyms, stands for "mainstream media"]
[Note2: This isn't really from them; it's a bit of satire]

Despite our many efforts to play nice, and our elaborate production values that bestow upon you the idea that you know something about what's going on in the world, you continue to annoy us. Most recently, you have spammed/messed with/cheated on our scientific presidential-campaign polls, by which we determine whom you would like to elect president.

Here's what you are doing wrong: you are telling your friends and family about Ron Paul. You are writing about him -- in emails and on websites -- and including links to our polls in your various writings. People are reading these things, thinking about them, clicking the links, and so on. Obviously, we cannot allow this to continue.

We understand that your engaging in this activity may have been an honest mistake resulting from your ignorance, so we have decided to issue you this firm-but-gentle reminder of how things work:

1. We will tell you who the frontrunners are. If we have not yet held forth on this topic, compile a list of the people who are about to give us tens of millions of dollars for advertising. Those are the frontrunners.
2. No talking. When we are done telling you things, finish your meat loaf and go to sleep. Or watch American Idol. Whatev. Come back tomorrow.
3. We will occasionally call you and ask which of the frontrunners (see above) is your favorite. Please stay on topic; all we need is the name of a frontrunner, k thanks.
4. Remember: you can't believe everything you see and read on the Internet. You can only believe everything you see and read in newspapers or on TV broadcasts by God-fearing media companies worth at least $750 million.

We sincerely hope this problem can be cleared up quickly, and with civility.

MSM